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The Villages

hutch0
Date: 2010-01-06 15:42
Subject: slowly on
Security: Public
Location:home
Mood:calmcalm
Music:sky news
Hm. Yes. Well.
Things have been a little bumpy over the past few months, I'll have to admit. What with work and various other things, it was sometimes eleven o'clock at night before I sat down to do anything for myself and then I was working through to one o'clock in the morning, often rather frantically, to get things done. Then getting up again at half past six to get ready for work.
Then I was given some evening jobs to do - not especially late, but they meant I was getting home around eight and not getting any time to myself until midnight or so, and it started to take its toll. I started nodding off at work and wandering around in a fog. Things probably weren't helped by the fact that I was getting a little too fond of the booze, to the tune of about half a bottle of Scotch a night. One night I looked at everything I had to do and I thought, `Bugger it,' and went to bed instead. And I did that the next night. And the night after that. I did manage to keep in touch with things through Facebook, although mostly as a form of displacement activity while I was at work.
I have a friend to whom something similar happened while he was at university and he thinks I had a bit of a brush with nervous collapse. I'm not sure about that, but things did get on top of me all of a sudden, which was scary and not nice. I don't think it was depression, because depression is a terrible thing and all I did was kind of slump, but something did go wrong in my head for a while.
It's odd the way things work out. A month ago I slipped and fell in the kitchen and tore a ligament in my knee, and ever since I've been at home on crutches. The first week I lay in bed, zonked out on painkillers and mostly asleep, and ever since I've been resting. Which it turns out I really needed. I've also managed to go some distance towards drying out, which has been quite difficult. I'm still having the odd nightcap, but hopefully the mad drinking is over. As usual, God poisons his gifts, because without a drink I now seem quite unable to write.
I know I still have stuff to do, but I'm kind of picking up sticks at the moment. Bear with me.
*hugs*
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rou_killingtime
User: rou_killingtime
Date: 2010-01-15 00:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
So glad to see you posting on your LJ again, Hutch0. I'm still in my cave myself, but I'm poking my head out and taking a quick look around every so often, and I was pretty concerned when I saw that you hadn't posted a thing in over a month.

Speaking as someone who has personal experience of depression and nervous collapses, it does sound like you were walking fairly close to the cliff's edge, but happily you had that 'bugger it' moment which turned you back toward safer ground.

Here's wishing that all your future footsteps fall on terra firma.
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hutch0
User: hutch0
Date: 2010-01-20 12:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thanks for your good wishes, and I'm glad to hear you're looking around from time to time. As I say, I don't think it was depression, but whatever it was, it was scary, and the worst thing was that I couldn't seem to stop. I still don't think I'm quite right in my head, but things seem clearer now, and I'm not exhausted all the time, which helps.
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